He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
