He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
