I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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