Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
