I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
