Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
