I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
