trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
