fuck your aforementioned shoe
bring money and cleavage
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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