do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
