end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
