dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
