Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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