Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
