I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
