I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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