Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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