Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so let's talk penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
