Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
