READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
