awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
