apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You did what with his pubic hair?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
