So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
