He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
