Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
