She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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