I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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