i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
