he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
