Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
