I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
