Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
