Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
