You're so nebulous sometimes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
