It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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