i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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