I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
