i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
