i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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