i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
