i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize