those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
