I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
