Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
