He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
