Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
