this boner is exhausting
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
