Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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