I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
