I seem to have left my pride at pride
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
