And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
