I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
