she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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