I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
