nut hugger
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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