giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
