i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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