2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could make wine with my vomit
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
