I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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