I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
