i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
