Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
