I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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