I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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