ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
