If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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