my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
