I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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