he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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