True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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