I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
