I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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