yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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