Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize