The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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