Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
