I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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