Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
